Rust Belt Writers

AI is good at many things – I’ve written about that before – but now I want to talk about business language, and how AI, through word salad and other nonsensical techniques, is making communication worse than it was before our computer overlords arrived.

Having spent 20+ years in mass communication, I know a little bit about how people speak and write to each other. I’ve learned, however, that there’s a perception that business language has to be different; stilted, passive, with dense, opaque terms that no one really understands. That’s being amplified with AI.

First, as part of my out-placement after layoff, I was set up with a firm that, among other things, “tweaked” my resume to become more business friendly, and created this word salad of sludge that now resides at the top:

MBA candidate in Business Analytics (Baldwin Wallace University, 4.0 GPA) with experience building metrics dashboards, analyzing web/content performance, and delivering data-driven recommendations to improve engagement and strategy. Skilled in translating quantitative insights into actionable narratives for editorial, marketing, and executive teams.

Passionate about using advanced analytical tools and methodologies to drive business decisions, optimize marketing strategies, and maximize ROI. Capable of translating complex data sets into actionable insights and leveraging statistical techniques and data visualization to improve decision-making and campaign performance. Known for managing cross-functional teams, overseeing strategic communication initiatives, and conducting in-depth market research and consumer analysis to identify emerging trends, refine brand strategies, and predict future market behavior. Skilled in enhancing corporate messaging through innovative technology solutions and data-driven strategies. Adept at producing engaging and impactful executive communications and corporate videos, delivering high-quality content, and maintaining clarity in corporate policy documentation.

I have never, ever read that block of text. I just accepted the resume and moved on.

It seems to be working; my resume is sneaking through many of those pesky auto-reject filters and getting me to a human HR recruiter.

Let’s fast forward to the actual hunt.

I was contacted by a third party recruiter for a job that to be honest, would have been fabulous to land. Part of this process was to “optimize” my resume for the organization’s AI enhanced ATS. The job was for an internal corporate communications specialist, which is a role I can honestly say I’m pretty good at.

Here are the enhancements recommended by the “AI Optimizers, along with their emojis.

✅ Original Version:
I looked at how real employees were using the intranet and made changes so it was easier for them to find what they needed and move around the site more smoothly.
💬 Business Language Optimized:
Applied user-centered design principles to evaluate and improve intranet navigation and page structure.
✅ Original Version:
I found and fixed problems that made the site frustrating to use — like pages that were hard to read, buttons that didn’t go where they should, or information that was old or wrong.
💬 Business Language Optimized:
Identified and resolved UX issues, such as confusing layouts, outdated messaging, and broken content paths.
✅ Original Version:
I organized the intranet in a way that made it easier for people to understand and quickly find the information they were looking for.
💬 Business Language Optimized:
Improved information architecture to enhance usability and content findability.
✅ Original Version:
I made sure everything we shared on the intranet was easy to read, worked for everyone (including people with disabilities), and matched the company’s tone and style.
💬 Business Language Optimized:
Ensured internal communications were aligned with accessibility and brand voice standards.

Is it an improvement? I don’t think so. This job was for internal communications. You absolutely do NOT want your employees to have to waste time learning a subset of English to complete their tasks. It’s fine if your C-Suite wants to use brain power turning common sense language like “teamwork” into “cross-functional cooperation” or “silo destabilization,” but I can assure you when your rank-and-file customer service reps see that kind of language from an internal memo, they turn off, tune out, and ignore whatever strategy or policy change or operations efficiency you were trying to achieve.

I did not hear back from the employer.

Why do LMMs prefer this? I asked Chat GPT. (you can see the entire convo here)

The top answer:
“LLMs are trained on trillions of words from sources that include:

• Corporate filings and reports (like SEC 10-Ks and annual reports)

• Business news and trade journalism

• Professional correspondence (press releases, job postings, and policy documents)

• Business textbooks and writing guides”

These are the WORST places to learn how to communicate to a general audience. Corporate Filings are written mostly by and for accountants, auditors, financiers and other types who want to crunch the numbers, not the past participles or adjectival use.

Business News and Trade Journalism (hi! I am/have been one of those!) write for very, very specific audiences. There are terms, concepts and jargon used in these that don’t apply outside the situations they’re in, and press releases? There are good ones, and there are ones you can tell were written by people with extensive legal or accounting backgrounds.

That brings me to business textbooks. Dear Reader, I have read many, many business textbooks. Accounting textbooks, statistics textbooks, economic textbooks, leadership textbooks.
Don’t learn to write from these. Please. Unless it’s “The Fifth Discipline” or “Show Me the Numbers” they are nearly universally painful to read, especially because the information is so important for one’s MBA transcript.

Unfortunately, LMMs and people’s reliance on them to write for them isn’t going away. As you’re wondering why your internal memo reads like a shareholder report, blame the bots – and maybe the textbooks too.